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<p>David Mazouz and Kiefer Sutherland in &quot;Touch.&quot;</p>

David Mazouz and Kiefer Sutherland in "Touch."

Credit: FOX

Review: Return of Kiefer Sutherland's 'Touch' suggests a pattern of cheesiness

Things that worked in the January pilot go horribly awry in the first regular episode
When FOX aired the pilot of "Touch" back in January — months ahead of the official season premiere tomorrow night at 9 — I wrote that the episode succeeded at making a lot of tricky ideas work together, but that I feared future episodes might not work as well. The concept — a mute, insular boy has the ability to see patterns in the chaos of everyday life that his father can use to help strangers — seemed too elaborate a Rube Goldberg device to run smoothly every week, particularly since the man at the controls was Tim Kring, who got off to a good start on "Heroes" before losing his grip quickly. The "Touch" pilot worked even as there were all kinds of danger signs about why it shouldn't have, and I worried that it would be hard to get the pieces to align perfectly in future installments.
 
I've now seen both the episode premiering tomorrow and the one airing next week. Tomorrow's episode confirms all of my fears about the show — if anything, it's even worse than I thought things could get — while next week's maybe rises to mediocrity, and without any of the emotional impact that made me forgive a whole lot of contrivances in the pilot.
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<p>Candlebox</p>

Candlebox

Candlebox are back with a new song 'Believe In It,' son

Positivity reigns, son!

The rise and reunion of all hard rock bands made popular from the 1990s is a nearly complete endeavor, with Candlebox already on board and preparing another effort As outlined below, though, let's remember that the group wasn't gone all that long.

Cuddly-soft titled "Love Stories & Other Musings" is due on April 3, tipping off with single "Believe In It." It features the overdriven mastering that so many commercial rock songs these days have grown accustomed to, plus the work-hard-love-hard positivity of Kevin Martin.

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<p>Cooper (Michael Cudlitz)&nbsp;and Tang (Lucy Liu)&nbsp;in a shoot-out in the &quot;Southland&quot;&nbsp;season finale.</p>

Cooper (Michael Cudlitz) and Tang (Lucy Liu) in a shoot-out in the "Southland" season finale.

Credit: TNT

Season finale review: 'Southland' - 'Thursday'

Cooper and Tang have a parting of the ways, while Lydia and Ben each make big decisions

A review of the "Southland" fourth season finale coming up just as soon as I sing a little Nicki Minaj for you...

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<p>New &quot;Doctor Who&quot;&nbsp;companion Jenna-Louise Coleman.</p>

New "Doctor Who" companion Jenna-Louise Coleman.

Credit: BBC

'Doctor Who' casts Jenna-Louise Coleman as new companion

Actress to succeed Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill when the Ponds leave the TARDIS

"Doctor Who" fans already knew that this season — the show's 50th anniversary season — would be the last one to feature Karen Gillan as the Doctor's trusted companion Amy Pond (and also Arthur Darvill as Amy's husband Rory). And now we know who will be tasked with replacing her: 25-year-old actress Jenna-Louise Coleman, who's previously been on UK shows like "Emmerdale."

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<p>Bruce Greenwood in &quot;The River.&quot;</p>

Bruce Greenwood in "The River."

Credit: ABC

Season finale review: 'The River' - 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'

The Magus crew finds new reason to stay on the Boiuna for adventures we may never see

A quick review of "The River" season — and quite probably series — finale coming up just as soon as I get back to my sandwich...

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<p>Dermot Mulroney and Zooey Deschanel in &quot;New Girl.&quot;</p>

Dermot Mulroney and Zooey Deschanel in "New Girl."

Credit: FOX

'New Girl' - 'Fancyman, Part 1': Rich man, poor man

The show presents its funniest episode yet thanks to... Dermot Mulroney?

A review of tonight's "New Girl" — perhaps the best episode the show has done to date — coming up just as soon as I blame my period...

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<p>Madonna and her &quot;girls&quot;&nbsp;go wild in the &quot;Girls Gone Wild&quot;&nbsp;video.</p>

Madonna and her "girls" go wild in the "Girls Gone Wild" video.

Watch: Madonna goes wild in 'Girl Gone Wild' video

She has plenty of help from her boy toys

Madonna wants to be good, but she just can't make it happen. Temptation looms at every turn in the video for "Girl Gone Wild." 

The video, which debuted on E! Television Tuesday night,  is one of her most stylized, which is saying a lot given her video canon. Shot in black and white, like "Justify My Love" and "Vogue,"  and featuring Madonna in chains, like in "Express Yourself," it also shows her being fondled by a bevy of beautiful, pansexual, shirtless men. Who wants to even try to be good under such circumstances?

[More after the jump...]

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<p>I'm guessing anyone who sat through 'Cop-Out' has this same recurring dream.</p>

I'm guessing anyone who sat through 'Cop-Out' has this same recurring dream.

Credit: Magnet Releasing

Review: Seann William Scott stars in surprisingly funny and affecting 'Goon'

Bloody hockey comedy more than delivers the goods

There is something about hockey that lends itself naturally to comedy when someone makes a film about it.  "Slap Shot" is one of the best sports films of the '70s, and even today, it holds up because there's something authentic about the world it creates.  I think it's the casual brutality of the sport that makes it so cinematic, and the script that was adapted by Jay Baruchel & Evan Goldberg from the novel by Adam Frattasio & Doug Smith feels like a perfect fit for the comic gifts of director Michael Dowse.

I don't understand how Dowse is still marginalized.  I'm late to the game, but when I caught up with "Fubar" and "Fubar: Balls To The Wall" and realized they were both from the same director as "It's All Gone Pete Tong," it was one of those moments where I suddenly realized I'm a fan of someone and didn't even know it.  I'm guessing part of what roadblocked him professionally was the film "Take Me Home Tonight," which started life as "Kids In America" before it sat on a shelf for a few years.  Anytime you have a film that flames out like that, no matter what the reason, it can have a huge impact on your career.

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<p>The Muppets got their star on the Walk of Fame today, just in time to celebrate the release of 'The Muppets' on DVD and Blu-ray.</p>

The Muppets got their star on the Walk of Fame today, just in time to celebrate the release of 'The Muppets' on DVD and Blu-ray.

Credit: Walt Disney Pictures

One Thing I Love Today: 'The Muppets' arrives on Blu-ray

Plus they get a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame

I enjoyed 'The Muppets' when I saw it last year, and the soundtrack has been fairly omnipresent in my house thanks to my sons, who at this point know every word of every song.  When we have long trips in the car, I admit that it makes me happy to listen to them sing "Mah Nah Mah Nah" or "The Rainbow Connection."

My parents introduced me to The Muppets in the '70s via "Sesame Street" and their syndicated series, and I like the idea that they've endured as characters long enough now that I can pass that love along to my own kids.  They are an institution, and it is genuinely encouraging to see that they've endured this long.

It seems long overdue for Walt Disney to have finally sponsored The Muppets for a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.  I think it's a very commercial honor, and I don't think it's particularly merit-based, but if anyone deserves one of those stars, it would be The Muppets.  It looks like it was a very nice ceremony, and there's something special about seeing news photos of Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy and all the familiar characters.  It makes them feel real.

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<p>On &quot;Justified,&quot;&nbsp;Raylan (Timothy Olyphant)&nbsp;and Quarles (Neal McDonough)&nbsp;have a chat.</p>

On "Justified," Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) and Quarles (Neal McDonough) have a chat.

Credit: FX

'Justified' - 'Guy Walks Into a Bar': Support your local sheriff

Quarles starts to lose control in one of the show's best hours ever

A review of tonight's tremendous "Justified" coming up just as soon as I go Derek Jeter to Sammy Sosa...

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<p>Tyler, the Creator</p>

Tyler, the Creator

Interview: Tyler, the Creator talks 'Loiter Squad,' Odd Future, solo album, porn

Watch an EXCLUSIVE clip from OF's new Adult Swim show, stay for the insanity

Tyler, the Creator had a suggestion for our small business. "Do you guys do porn?"

"You mean, does HitFix work in porn?"
 
"Yeah."
 
"No, we don't cover porn. I guess we'd make more money if we did."
 
"That's what I'm saying!"
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<p>Briga Heelan and Josh Hopkins on &quot;Cougar Town.&quot;</p>

Briga Heelan and Josh Hopkins on "Cougar Town."

Credit: ABC

'Cougar Town' - 'Something Big': Who's your daddy?

Grayson gets a surprise, Ellie goes surfing and Travis stomps the yard

A review of tonight's "Cougar Town" coming up just as soon as I consider myself black-adjacent...

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